One Winged Angel
by Navaros
Summary: Lucifer was done. Done with everything. He felt betrayed beyond repair and the Detective didn't listen to him. He just wanted her to believe him, but she never does. What was the point anyway? In this situation he only saw one way to end the pain.
1. Pain

**Description of Self-Harm, self Mutilation, Drug use and alcohol abuse. Also Hurt, pain, blood, a little gory.**

**I didn't publish my last two stories here since they were a collab and I don't know if I will publish anything here after this story is posted. The layout of this site just sucks. But you can find me on AO3 as Navaros as well**

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He couldn't believe it. Maze, his trustworthy Maze, had betrayed him in the worst way he could imagine. Now he had lost everything dear to him. Of course the Detective deserved better than him, but the world's first murderer?

That was just so wrong, and it was his fault that this had happened in the first place.

He had pushed her away and now he had to watch how Pierce would use her.

Chloe had free will, yes, but this realization came to late.

It still hurt him to remember her face full of the emotional pain he had caused. Sure, Chloe had every right to be angry with him, but he couldn't bear it anymore.

Lucifer still sat in the dim lighting of his trashed penthouse after Maze had left and he had returned from his little banter with Cain.

He wasn't in a party mood, even if there were a lot of willing partners for the night down there. But no, not today, probably not for a long time.  
The only thing he had done since he got back was lock the elevator.

Yes, ever since Jana had walked in on his moment with Chloe, he had a lock for whenever he wasn't in the mood for company. Only his closest friends knew the code and he certainly didn't want the Brittanys in here today.

First things first - Lucifer needed a drink. One? More like a bottle. It would do for starters. It became more than one - a second and third followed within minutes. Another one he took to his piano where he tried to play something, to get his mind off everything.

It didn't work, nothing did, not even the drugs he took to numb the pain, and he had really tried - most of his stash was gone by now.

Next was his balcony, where he inhaled the smoke of his cigarette, took another swing of his nearly empty bottle and stared angrily into the sky.

"Are you having fun, Father? Are you laughing your arse off now? Oh, I bet you are!" he screamed, knowing that he would never get an answer.

"What's the bloody point? Do you want me to suffer? To bring hell on earth for me? Oh, I'll show you what I think of your plan." He flicked his cigarette butt over the railing, emptied bottle number 5 and went inside to grab one of his own demonic knives.

Lucifer hated the pain. He had felt it for eons and still would if he still had his Devil face. Despite all odds he couldn't resist the urge to defy his father. He was right. What was the bloody point of keeping _them_? His insides hurt like he was dying and breathing became a problem. Damn, why did cutting his wings become so difficult? Was it panic?  
No of course not, the Devil didn't do panic... or did he? Enough of this stupid overthinking, he had to do something.

He ripped apart his vest and shirt and now, bare chested, stared again at the sky.

"Whatever you tried to accomplish with _THEM,_ I don't care!"

The wings he had tried to ignore as much as possible since he had talked to Linda after getting them back unfurled. Ignoring hadn't worked very well though. They itched from the lack of grooming and they had made an unwanted appearance more than once during the nights, but he could ignore them up till now. Not any longer though. Even the thought of having them was nauseating.

Lucifer grabbed the next bottle and took a big gulp. His wings trembled like they knew what was coming, and what was coming was definitely not pleasant. He grabbed the first appendage firmly, reached behind his back as much as possible, took a deep breath and made the first cut.

It was agonizing, blinding pain. He could feel the muscles, the tendons and the nerves he needed to hack, and the blood running down his back, soaking his trousers and spilling on the floor. Because whatever he did couldn't be called cutting; it was more a hack and slay.

The fallen angel couldn't hold back the hot tears running down his face anymore. All he could see in his painfogged mind was Chloe.  
Lucifer went down on his knees after he opened the wing joint, since his legs buckled and couldn't support him anymore.

Chloe was all that was on his mind.

His Chloe.

The only human he had ever loved.

When first wing dropped down - twitching from the dying nerves - the Devil fell forward, face down into his own blood that was running into a puddle around him.

He shivered, his eyes stared into nothing and still, all he could see was her face, her smile.

His remaining wing and the bloody stump on his back twitched again when he thought of her.

Lucifer managed to forget the pain for a moment. When it came back full force he vomited, but he wasn't able to move away from it.

The Devil should have been used to it by now, but it got worse every time he cut them off. Alcohol and drugs also weren't helping his condition.

Just a few minutes, his fogged brain thought - then he would feel better and get rid of the other one.

All he needed was for the world to stop spinning around him while he tried to forget the disgusting filth he was lying in.

Chloe was still hurt beyond words, she just couldn't understand why Marcus had done this to her. She was devastated and confused, for it had all seemed so nice, so perfect.  
Okay, Lucifer had been acting really weird even for his standards the last week, but she hadn't had time for his stupid delusions and problems.  
If she was honest with herself, she was even thinking of getting rid of him as a partner. With the state the would-be devil was in lately, it was dangerous to her and her co-workers.  
Why had he acted like that? Just some weird metaphors again, of course - he would never tell her the truth. And for that she should punch him, kick him in his balls or whatever, but deep inside she was worried about him.  
At one point this evening she had calmed down enough to tuck Trixie into bed, and that was when she had learned Lucifer had been there earlier.  
He hadn't said a word and just left. But why?  
He acted so weird - was he jealous? He had no right to be, for he had been the one running off to Vegas and ruining their "thing" after all.  
Lucifer acting out was nothing unusual, but it was getting worse. During the Axara case, he had tried to push her away again - hurting her deeply - and then he had gotten jealous when Marcus joined their investigation.  
Chloe really needed a coffee, for she had to think and the smell alone always helped her clear her mind.  
With her steaming mug in hand, she settled down on the couch and stared at her phone. Maybe he would call? Text? Invite her to a party? It had been a while since he had done this, but he normally did this when he felt lonely. Lucifer had told her every time that he wanted her to have a good time and let loose, but she knew better. The man was a terrible liar and his emotions were always right in those brown eyes.  
He needed company - real company. Not flings, business partners or people wanting favors. No, he needed friends and family - okay, maybe not his real family.

In one moment he would open up to her, just to shut her out in the next one and she couldn't deal with his behaviour anymore.

Chloe was a grown up woman, she wasn't desperate and she wasn't a punching bag for an emotional, delusional man who wasn't getting anything out of the therapy with Linda. Seriously, what was his therapist doing? She was good at her job, so why hadn't she helped him yet?

No. Enough was enough. Chloe gulped down the coffee and decided to go to bed, for she was fretting over her partner for more than two hours now.

And why was her mind full of her partner, and not of the man who had dumped her?

Drinking coffee before going to bed wasn't the best idea, in retrospect. Normally she could sleep even on caffeine, but tonight the self-proclaimed Devil occupied her thoughts.

Somehow she had a really bad feeling about him. Another look at her phone - still no message. Was he under a pile of women? Busy? She didn't know, but the nagging feeling wouldn't go away. Chloe needed to see him and if she was with him, she could also press the answers out of him that he had promised to give her all those weeks ago.

After putting on some of her most charming clothes - meaning an old, washed out, oversized LAPD shirt and some sweatpants - and doing her hair into a messy bun, she called her emergency sitter to watch after Trixie. She really missed Maze, for it wouldn't have been a problem with her around, but Chloe could wait another 30 minutes if needed, then drive to LUX.

In front of the club she could see the long waiting line. She knew that by now - it was near midnight - the club was packed, and still people were waiting to get in. She was happy to have access to the private elevator in the parking lot. It was definitely a plus to know the owner and sometimes she couldn't help herself - she enjoyed the jealous looks of the others when she was let in without hesitation. Not today though, for only a few people had access to the elevator down here.

She found it suspicious that she needed to enter the code for the penthouse, but who knew? Maybe he was busy with enough people and wanted to be left alone? Pah, no way. And if she had to, she would punch and kick the others out by herself.

Chloe was prepared for everything, but not a dark and deadly silent penthouse. No white sheets - that was a good sign, at least….she thought.


	2. Shock

"Lucifer?"

No sound. Well, that was not right. Chloe could hear the distant sound of cars and some weird rustling, so the balcony was open. Maybe he was there?

Worried, she eyed the empty bottles and the other remains on top of his piano that she knew too well from crime scenes.

That idiot was going to kill himself with an overdose some day. She was sure of it and was afraid for him. And if it wasn't an overdose, it probably would be alcohol poisoning and liver failure.

"Lucifer, are you here?" Again she got no answer; the smell of nicotine was still in the air, so he couldn't have been away for long.

Slowly she made her way to the balcony wondering about the chaos in his penthouse. Lucifer was normally a neat freak and the scene now worried her.

Chloe could hear a raspy and pained breathing and smelled vomit before she saw anything. She looked down when she stepped into something, just to see a puddle of blood at her shoe.

No...NO!

"Lucifer!" She felt silly for leaving her service weapon at home, but she still jumped around the corner to startle possible intruders, only the jump right back, slip and fall on the floor.

What the actual fuck?

The scene was gruesome. Lucifer's pained breathing, the blood, the remains of his last meal, alcohol and WINGS...one lying next to him, soaked in blood, stiff and dead, the other one trembling, somehow attached to his back and also covered in blood.

Lucifer didn't move, except for his eyes, but they saw nothing. His body was covered in sweat, blood and vomit, and he was shivering like he was freezing to death.

Chloe got back onto her feet. She needed to get out of here - her brain was trying to make up some explanation, of course without success. Out...out...grab Trixie and leave LA - no, the country. As far away from this...thing...as possible.

Before she could think, she was already calling the elevator again, but froze when she heard a wrenching sob as she was about to enter.

It came from the creature that she thought was human, only delusional, and that was lying on the balcony floor, bleeding, hurt...NO!

It was the Devil, a monster, it was evil!

It sobbed again.

It hadn't seemed to have noticed her at all when she had discovered it, so why was it sobbing?

Another inhuman whine and she heard something that sounded like something wet dragging over the floor.

Chloe turned around, listening to the sound, till she could see it...him...it dragging itself inside. Clearly more unconscious than everything else.

"No...NO! Stay away!"

The pain was still blinding, numbing every movement in his body. The cool LA night air was rustling his feathers and caressing his sweaty body. Lucifer could smell himself and that was disgusting. His thoughts were foggy, but he was used to it - normally it took a few hours to get back into the 'working mode'. But not this time somehow, maybe it was the days without sleep? The constant drugs and alcohol? Even a celestial body needed a break at some point.

Lucifer didn't even hear the soft ding of the elevator, or the calling of his name.

But the smell, he would recognize the smell everywhere. He couldn't see anything, just dark, blurred things that weren't even real.

The scent however, was breaking through metallic blood and sour vomit odors. It was her. But that wasn't possible.

He surely was imagining it - why should she be here? The Detective had made it clear that he was no longer welcome.

He could hear something distant, like steps away from him? Her smell left with the weird sounds. No...he didn't want it to leave, he want to enjoy it just a little longer.

He sobbed. He needed that fragrance near him, for it was comforting, safe...it was home, his home. The only home he ever had.

Move.

MOVE!

The Devil forced his body to move. He couldn't manage more than to drag himself a few meters. The pain flared up again in his back, blinding, nauseating, again and again with every movement. He retched, soiled himself even more. His remaining wing muscles tried to adjust with the movement and sent another wave of pain through his body, causing him to let out another sob.

He had made it halfway inside by now.

Lucifer still could not see well, but the adrenaline was bringing him back, he was on a very big trip after all. His vision was blurry so he couldn't see her scared expression, but he could see her figure and the blur of blonde hair. He now could also hear the most beautiful voice in all of creation...

Only to get shattered again. He couldn't quite grasp what she was saying, only that it was full of fear.

Just one more drag, just one more, one more step closer to her, before she would leave forever.

It started to drag its way towards her again, just a few inches, but enough to make her take a step back and press against the wall.

Again a sob. Maybe it was just a freaking dream?

In a dream she wouldn't be afraid, but then again...no it wasn't a dream, Chloe knew that much.

When it tried to say something that sounded like a hoarse version of her name, she looked at it. Even in its drugged up state, she could see the fear in these familiar brown eyes, the hurt, the pain and the loneliness.

Why should Lucifer be afraid? He was the Devil.

The last tribe night came to her mind. Linda had had too many martinis and they had been talking about Lucifer.

Even then the therapist wouldn't let anything slip about her sessions with him.

But she had said something that rushed back into Chloe's mind after she had complained to Linda about his recent weird behaviour.

" _Lucifer Morningstar cares for you deeply, Chloe. He is a very complicated man with an even more complicated history, lots and lots of emotional baggage and issues...BUT you will understand once he opens up to you. And he will - he is just scared. Just remember that he is still Lucifer, the eternal 5 year old who steals puddings and hates paperwork. Okay? I reacted so badly when he opened up to me, it destroyed the little confidence he had back then in himself. I don't think he would survive rejection from you."_

And looking at it...him….shrivelled her heart.

He looked like he would die any moment from blood loss, and still the only fear she could see in his fogged eyes was the fear of rejection, of loneliness, of another person who would abandon him again.

She froze on the spot, looking closer at him.

His wing was trembling but dragging behind him, for he had no more energy to keep it upright.

The sight was heart wrenching.

Dressed to the nines, never a hair out of place, cocky, egomaniacal Lucifer Morningstar was now barely conscious, whining, and he even spoke something she couldn't grasp. It sounded foreign.

Heaven, hell, demons, angels...God, yeah with the big G...and the Devil.

The Devil, just a few steps away, breathing like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, too weak to crawl, but staring at her with his blown pupils and glassy eyes. And his expression, like she was his life, his air to breathe. Why? She was just a human, and he? An almighty fallen angel.

Fallen...alone, damned to hell, to rule there for eternity.

" _No one chooses to be a Sin-eater, Detective."_

" _The Devil made me do it! I have never made anyone of them do anything, never!"_

" _I'm far larger, and hungrier."_

She smiled a little, for he had stolen Trixie's sandwich at one point. And he had been so happy, like nobody had ever made him one.

The look of awe and wonder whenever she did something for him that was just normal human behaviour was heartbreaking.

Human...

It would never hold the same meaning to her again. He wasn't human, but he had never claimed to be one.

How often had he broken into her apartment? Of course she noticed, especially lately. Sometimes he seemed to even sleep on her couch. Well, not since she had started dating Marcus; Lucifer had tried his best to keep it a secret, but he was such a neat freak. He left her living room cleaner than it was the day before and that gave her the hint. He never said anything about it and she didn't ask.

Chloe was all he had that came even remotely close to a loving family. She knew how strained his relationship with Amenadiel was.

How hard must it have been to be alone for only god knew how long...shit...God.

When Chloe took a step towards Lucifer, his wing twitched so he noticed, but he still stared at her and also right through her while his body was still trembling.

Another step.

And another.

She then kneeled next to him and stroked his ruined and blood crusted hair.

He whined like a dying animal and pressed against her hand - not much - since he hadn't any energy left, but she noticed.

Chloe just stared at the horrible back wounds, the twitching muscles under the exposed skin and all the cuts he had caused by missing the main target.  
How was he even still conscious? Probably the stuff he took before was helping with that, but to Chloe the look of this wounds alone made her nauseous.

With every new stroke the muscles in his back worked, but only one appendage was there to react with another twitch, while another whine escaped his throat.

Chloe lifted his head, placing it on her lap after she sat down next to him. She didn't care for the stains her clothes would get, for something inside her told her she shouldn't stop doing this.

It seemed to calm him down, but it also calmed her. With every stroke, every little sound, her perception of the Devil thing seemed to get less and less, but the hurt friend got more prominent. He wasn't only hurt, he was heavily injured, self inflicted.

Self hate.

Self mutilation on a whole new level.

The blood on his back was drying and scabbing, the bleeding from the wound itself seemed to slow down, but it was still enough to worry her.

Without thinking, she took off her coat and pressed it gently on the wound to stop the bleeding.


	3. Mom Look

"You stupid idiot, why did you do this?"

Chloe didn't get an answer, just another whine and more shivering. Lucifer's pale skin was wet and cold, but at least his breathing had become more relaxed.

"I should take care of this...but I have no idea how to treat such a wound." She mumbled mostly to herself while she continued to stroke his hair and check the wound from time to time to see if it had stopped bleeding.

After a while she heard another sob.

"Don't worry, Detective, just leave me here. It will get better in a few hours, then I'll take care of the other one."

 _If the first one hadn't grown back by then_ , but he didn't add that thought.

His hoarse voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"What? NO! I won't let this happen, Lucifer."

He laughed and it was so full of self hate, she didn't know whether to hug or slap him. But she could also hear the fear in there. Fear? Of what? That she would leave? That she wouldn't? That she would actually take care of him? Why should she do this anyway?

"I'm a grown up Devil, I can take care of myself."

"This is not taking care of yourself." She stroked her hand again through his blood caked hair. His mind was coming back - his body, on the other hand, was still in a very bad state.

"Do you want to risk an infection? Or die of blood loss? Is that even possible for you?"

"Why not?" _Nobody would miss me anyway_ was another thought he didn't add.

"You are an idiot."

"No, I'm the Devil."

"You are an idiotic Devil. I don't want your death."

"But...I scared you, I disgust you."

When she didn't reply he tried to get off her lap, but as weak as he was, it didn't work and Chloe wouldn't let him.

"Maybe, but still, I don't want you to die."

Lucifer sneered. "Don't lie to me Detective, don't forget who you are talking to."

How could she forget?

"It wasn't a lie, I want you healthy and happy."

This time the hurt angel snorted. How could he be happy? There was no happy end for the Devil.

"Go, be with Ca...Pierce, like you want to be, but please be careful around him."

That was it? That was all it took for Lucifer to act like this? Just because her boss had faked a date which was surprisingly good and they had gone on other dates afterwards? But why? he had no right to be hurt, especially not with his behaviour over the last few weeks.

"Who said that?"

Another snort.

"What is it that you desire, Lucifer?"

For the first time since she had sat down, his head moved and she could see the look in his eyes as the drug-induced fog cleared. His eyes were watery; it was just a question, a question he asked several times a day, but it seemed like nobody had ever asked him that before. Was she really the first and only one? Emotional baggage, broken and scared... Linda had told her, and it was true.

It was so unreal - an angel, a scared archangel and she was his anchor. "I...I…"

"Please tell me, just one time, no half truths, no evasion - what is it that the Devil desires, Lucifer? Deep in his heart, because I know you have one."

Chloe smiled at him. She could see the little boy he was behind all the walls, the boy he was inside behind all the masks, trying not to get hurt again.

Walls she had managed to tear down.

"You…" Lucifer closed his eyes, too ashamed to look at her. Ashamed... him. The Devil.

Hilarious. He could already hear her laugh, but none came. And he couldn't understand her anyway. The Devil and a happy end? How ridiculous.

Chloe started stroking his hair again. It was such a pleasant experience that it felt like...well, heaven.

He wished she would never stop.

And the Detective? Her head was empty after hearing this, for after Candy she had thought everything was back to normal with him. He acted like it - he had even stopped the flirting, and he pushed her away whenever they started coming closer.

Because of fear of rejection or who and what he was.

Of course, it was better to keep their partnership than risking losing her, at least in his eyes.

And now that she could understand, she reacted badly, really badly. She was still not over this, but again, the hurt reaction after he told her his desire shook her. His eyes were still pressed closed, like he was just waiting for her to run, to leave, to punch or shoot him...? Probably all of it.

"Let's get you clean, okay? We need to take care of your back."

"What?" Okay, that seemed to be the last thing he had expected.

"Let's clean you up, and let me take care of your wound - please." She stroked his cheek, a move he hadn't expected either and he flinched away before he leaned into it.

"Do you think you can stand up? Come on, let's try, shall we?"

Chloe used her 'worried mom' voice right now; Lucifer needed it, like Trixie did when she was sick or hurt. And he was both at the moment.

The Devil sat up, very slowly, the wing moving with him. It was fascinating, even if it looked painful and was like a horror movie scene.

"See? That wasn't that hard, was it?"

Lucifer shook his head. "No, but you really don't need to stay, or pretend to care for me."

"But I do, you idiot. Okay this is something big - I need to get over it, but I care for my friend and partner. Even if he is a celestial, dense idiot!"

If he hadn't been injured or had a kicked puppy look, she totally would have slapped him now, but instead she pulled him onto his feet.

It felt weird for Lucifer. The drugs were mostly flushed out by his metabolism by now, but his head was still spinning and his legs wobbly. He leaned onto his detective so he wouldn't fall.

And something else was just strange - his whole body felt weird and out of balance, but okay, he had never needed to stand with one wing, not to mention"'walk" in this state.

Walking wasn't exactly the term, for he was mostly swaying on his feet while Chloe dragged him to his bathroom and his ridiculously big shower. She avoided even looking at the cruel scene on the balcony. The thought alone was enough to make her want to run again.  
She helped Lucifer sit down on the floor comfortably enough since he couldn't lean against the wall.

"You still didn't tell me why you are doing this." Lucifer sighed.

So did Chloe. "Like I said, I care for you, and I won't leave you here in this state. Trix is with a babysitter, so we have all night. Oooooh no, don't even think of getting rid of me tonight. I won't let you hurt yourself again with the other...wing."

Lucifer huffed like a three year old while she tested the water temperature.

Pretty warm, so it should be enough. She started to get rid of the blood.

She started on his wing, well, as good as she could, for the feathers stayed red and stuck together - this would take some time. She would take care of those later - other stuff was more important right now.

Chloe carefully washed as much blood as possible out off his hair and face. He still couldn't look directly at her, but she could see he was in pain. His body still shivered, despite the warm water.

"I need...your back needs to be cleaned." She could hardly speak. The thought of this injury alone made her nauseous, so she cleaned his back as much as possible, avoiding the nasty wound before she started splashing water on it carefully and slowly.  
Lucifer's body tensed, but he didn't allow himself to make any pained noise.

Maybe he was restraining himself? Chloe had to hurry, for her best friend was hurting.

"Do you have a first aid kit?"  
Lucifer snorted. "What for?" And as if he could feel her 'mom look' he sighed a little. "If I own such a thing, it would be behind the bar."

"Okay, I'll look for it later. Now we have to get you out of here and into your bed."  
"Why are you still here, Detective? Don't you have places to be? Lieutenants to date and everything?"  
If Lucifer hadn't been injured that badly… Chloe lost count on her urge to slap him today.

"Becau-"  
"Don't tell me because we are friends or because you care. My memories are pretty jumbled because of the best trip ever, but don't lie to me."  
"What are you expecting me to say, Lucifer? I totally didn't want to walk into your little self mutilation gore party."  
Chloe grabbed a towel and dabbed it softly over Lucifer's back. She did it to cause as little pain as possible and because it was caring - she always did that with Trixie when she grazed her knee.  
The remaining wing on his back twitched a little, which startled her, but Chloe didn't allow herself to react. She would need a lot of time to get used to this.

"I'm here because I wanted to know why you acted so strangely. You lying in your own blood was the least I expected."  
Lucifer tensed again when the towel touched the base of his cut-off wing. She was still asking herself how he could do this. Why? Cutting off a limb? This was really extreme and yet he tried to play it down?  
Something was fundamentally wrong with him or something big must have thrown him off track.

After his back was dry, she threw the towel aside and helped the Devil back on his feet.  
He was still very wobbly and she needed to support him to get him to his bed.

It was an exhausting mission, but she made it. Her nausea was back when they passed the blood on the floor where Lucifer had dragged himself towards her.

Damn, she was a trained and experienced cop. She saw crime scenes every day, but this here was so completely different.  
The Devil winced when he was lowered onto his mattress. His eyes were still a little unfocused, but it wasn't a surprise. What worried her more was his silent manner. Normally Lucifer couldn't shut up for 5 minutes to save his life. But now?  
Chloe threw a blanket over his lower half. She'd had enough naked Devil for one day and after the struggle to get him out of his trousers and boxer shorts for the shower, she was too drained to fight with him again. Instead she went to grab the first aid kit. It was indeed behind the bar, dusty and old, probably from the time he got this bar built in. Maybe she would ask him later.  
Now she had a big wound to take care of. The bandages, gauze and band aids looked good so far.

She grabbed a bottle from his shelf to disinfect the wound, which made her partner squirm away a little.

Badass Lucifer Morningstar could slice off his wing, but not stand a little alcohol? Unbelievable! Okay, it wasn't funny, but it helped bring some normality to this situation.  
She also placed the gauze on the injury. It wasn't bleeding that badly anymore, which should have been impossible, but maybe it was some supernatural stuff?

At the moment she was glad for it. Chloe wrapped him in bandages afterwards and looked at her fine work.  
"Should I get you any painkillers? Do you have some?" She hesitated, for he had done so many drugs that it maybe was dangerous for him to take more.  
Lucifer snorted again. "Detective, I can eat those pills like smarties, so no."  
"But you are in pain."  
"I'm used to it, don't worry." And again she used her 'mom look' and the devil rolled his eyes and whined a little. "Fine! There is something I can take. In my dressing room is a suitcase on the table - my private stash - go and get the little clear bag for me. The white pills, not the capsules or the greenish ones."


	4. I'm not a bloody test

Did Chloe want to ask? Should she? On the other hand, it was Lucifer, the man-devil-child who admitted taking drugs in the middle of the precinct, who smoked and snorted evidence more than once. She should have arrested him a long time ago, but she didn't want to. She couldn't even explain why.

Of course she would help him. Okay, Chloe had to admit she was impressed by his stash - the DEA would have a lot of questions about that - but not now. With the little bag and a glass of water - which made the Devil whine again because clear and alcoholfree liquid seemed to be an offense to him - she entered the bedroom again and handed him both.  
If one or two of the pills would help him, why not allow it? At least this time. He wasn't even human, so why was she so concerned?  
"LUCIFER!?" By the time she noticed it, it was too late. Lucifer had been too fast for her, damn it.

Had he really taken all the pills in the little bag? Oh shit, there had been at least 15.

"What? It's just a few Oxys. Nothing bad. Numbs me for one, maybe two hours."  
Just...a few….Oxys. Now Chloe was at a loss for words. At one point she should give him the 'Drugs are bad for you and I'm a Detective' talk, probably as soon as he was better.

The good side was that he fell asleep after just a few minutes, leaving Chloe mostly alone with her thoughts. She glanced at the passed out man next to her. He was a total mess, the left wing twitched from time to time, and he was also clutching a pillow to his chest and curled around it a little.  
He looked so exhausted, so broken and alone.  
Chloe got up; she needed to keep her mind busy from another freakout she could feel approaching.  
And she knew exactly what do. A look around told her everything, for his penthouse was a mess.  
She was a cop, for god's sake - shouldn't she do her duty? She should arrest him, save the evidence she found here, but instead she flushed the leftover drugs down his toilet. Satan in jail? Nope, that wasn't going to happen, even if the thought was amusing somehow.

She collected the empty bottles, but then there was another problem.

It was big, formally white and fluffy, now caked with blood. What to do with this thing? It couldn't stay here, but there was not exactly a tutorial on how to dispose of an angel wing and even just thinking about it gave her the creeps.  
Chloe heard the elevator ding while she was thinking as she avoided looking at it or even glancing in the direction of the balcony.

"Luci? Luci are you here?"  
Amenadiel, ooooh shit, he really was his brother and what did that make him? An angel? Yeah, probably an angel.  
She heard him walk into the penthouse, looking for his brother, and for now Chloe stayed hidden. She didn't know why, but maybe it was better this way.

Amenadiel found his brother in his bed, woke him up and was more than confused about Lucifer's condition.  
The Devil groaned; he barely had gotten two hours of sleep and was still exhausted, a little confused and totally high from his pills. Had he imagined Chloe? Where was she? The bandages on his body told him that it hadn't been a dream. Surely she had run as soon as he was knocked out.  
"What do you want, brother?" Lucifer tried to shake off the last remains of sleep. He couldn't move that well, for the pain in his back was hurting him like literal hell and the effect of his pain killers had already worn off.

Amenadiel's expression was stuck between worry and disgust for his brother.  
"Again? I thought you were over this and had promised Linda. Why are you doing this to yourself, Luci?"

And the only answer he got was a disgusted huff.

"I think I asked the question first." Oh, what Lucifer would do for a cigarette right now, or a drink. Preferably both.

"I just visited Charlotte - I think she is broken. You shouldn't have shown her. You know divinity and humans don't mix well."

This time Amenadiel got an answer in the form of an inhuman growl, flashing amber eyes and a really pissed off Lucifer.  
He had no idea how, but he stood up, snarled at his brother and his wing flared out behind him. The Devil ignored the pain that shot through his back when the muscles tried to move a limb that wasn't there anymore.  
"IT WAS YOUR IDEA!" He roared and Amenadiel took a step back.  
"Why are you blaming me? You were the one pestering her, telling her the truth, making her think she was crazy. And you were the one who insisted on showing her the truth. I did and now it's my fault again?!"

Lucifer's body trembled from exhaustion, but he wouldn't back down, not now, not after all that had happened the last few days. He was sick and tired of being the scapegoat for everyone.

"But Luci, don't you see…"

"Enough! Enough, brother. Go, just go. I don't want to hear it right now." The energy he had just a few moments ago vanished and he sank back onto the mattress.  
"I can't leave." Amenadiel sounded offended for even the thought alone. "You are my test! Father is clearly testing me again." He gestured at Lucifer's whole appearance.

That was enough. Lucifer leaped at him, his body still weak and his legs nearly buckling under the movement alone, but he couldn't help himself.  
"I'M NOT A BLOODY TEST!" The devil punched Amenadiel who crashed into the next wall, leaving some cracks behind.  
"If you weren't certain that dear old Dad is testing you with me, you wouldn't even be here or care at all. I'm the evil brother anyway, right?"

If looks could kill, Amenadiel would have done it right now while he tried to shake off the pain he felt.  
"But, I need-"  
"No! You want!" Lucifer's eyes were still blazing; he just couldn't handle how everything had fallen apart anyway.

"Doesn't it matter what I want? What I desire?Just one time? Why is everyone allowed to be happy but me? Oh right, because I'm the fallen one. The one who asked for freedom and got punished instead. The monster for all eternity, the evil one, despised and hated by everyone. Even her…"

Now Lucifer sank to his knees, tears forming in his eyes. He looked defeated and even more broken with his remaining wing trying to curl around him in a protective cocoon.

Amenadiel sighed. "I told you back then it's not a good idea to leave hell, Luci. You don't belong on earth, you belong in down there."

And that was enough for Chloe - she had heard and seen enough. She came out of her hiding spot - okay, it wasn't really a hiding spot - and stood between Lucifer and Amenadiel. The Detective was terrified to be between two celestial and almighty beings, but she would not look the other way while her best friend was being tortured by his self hatred and his own brother who should have been there for him.  
"I think it's best if you leave now." She, Chloe Decker, stared down an actual angel.

"He needs to rest." And he didn't need to hear more bullshit.

"Chloe." Amenadiel was pretty surprised to see her. "You don't understand. I just want what's best for Luci. What's best for the whole family."

"No, you want what's best for you. And he doesn't need you or the rest of his so-called family anymore, he has a new one. He is loved. Leave now, before I arrest you." With every word, Chloe poked her finger into Amenadiel's chest. Her acting skills paid off. On the inside she was trembling in fear - arresting an angel? What was she thinking?

Lucifer looked awful, had he even heard what she said?

Probably not.  
"Now, GO!" She didn't know she had it in her. She had stood up against a real angel.

"I really like you Chloe, but this is a matter you can't understand at all. You are just a human, after all." Amenadiel held her stare, his nostrils flaring, for he was definitely angry. But he deflated when he heard a nearly inhuman growl from behind Chloe.

Chloe's instincts woke again, telling her to run, to never turn back. But she turned instead, and there he was. Lucifer. Nearly unconscious a few minutes ago and now with blazing red eyes growling at… not at her, but at Amenadiel who had kind of threatened Chloe with his whole posture. And that was something the devil wouldn't allow. Ever.


	5. I promise

"Calm down, Luci."  
But before Amenadiel or Lucifer could say more, Chloe found her voice again. "Like I said, Amenadiel, you should go."

"He is dangerous, you don't underst -"  
"Oh, I think I do."  
And she did - Lucifer was a cornered animal, ready to strike if he needed to, but behind his behaviour he was just scared.  
Chloe turned around, not looking to see if Amenadiel left or not. Lucifer's bright, blazing eyes were frightening - she needed to remind herself that this was still her friend and he was hurting.  
"Lucifer? Hey, look at me." It took all her strength, but she managed to cup his face with her hand. And like a switch had turned off, the fire vanished, his tense posture became more relaxed and he slumped back onto his bed.  
The faint sound of the elevator told Chloe that Amenadiel had left; she looked at the Devil who avoided her gaze. But she could easily read his body language - he was still very tense, with the feathers on his wing ruffled and puffed like the tail of an angry cat.  
"Why, Lucifer? Why did you do this to yourself?" It hurt her to see him that way; why didn't he talk to her? He knew she would be there for him. No, that wasn't right, not recently, not since the thing with Marcus started, and when Lucifer had told her he couldn't sleep and babbled something about wings, she had just sent him away.

The fallen angel laughed without any humor in his voice.  
"I don't want them, but it doesn't matter what I want, right? I'm the Devil and the Devil never gets what he desires."  
"That's not true."

"It is. I don't want my wings - that was the point in cutting them off the first time. But now they just grow back over and over again."  
He stretched the wing and slammed it full force against the Sumerian wall. The stone cracked under it and Lucifer hissed - of course it would hurt with Chloe here.  
The Detective jumped when he lashed out with his feathery appendage. She was still taken aback by the movement of this thing, for it looked so otherworldly, but it was absolutely real.  
"Luce-"  
"I just want to be my own man, have free will, and enjoy life to its fullest like you humans do. But no, I can't have that either. I can't have…"  
"What? What can't you have?" What was breaking him? She needed to know, she wanted to comfort him and just be there for him.  
"YOU! Okay? You! I mean, isn't this the biggest joke in all of existence? I finally find you - a plain, normal human with a spawn. I fell for you, just to find out it was all a big joke from Dad. Then I come to terms with it, I'm ready to overlook it. When I'm ready to take the next step, ready to show you the truth, he finds it a nice idea to devilnap me and slap my wings back on. It doesn't matter, right? Because I still wanted to show you, but oh, look. He took my devil face away and once again you think of me as a crazy, delusional human."  
Lucifer was angry, Chloe could see that, for he got more and more upset while she just wanted to wrap him in a blanket and help him calm down. He wouldn't let her. Instead his rant went on. His feathers were all puffed out now.

"Yeah, I could've shown you the wings, but those are not who I am. I don't want them, they don't belong to me. And then?" He laughed humorlessly again. "And then came Pierce and I lost everything. I wanted to protect you from me, from my family, from everything. I pushed you away to give you back your free will. It worked and it hurt. So no, Detective, there is no happy end for the Devil and there will never be one."  
He looked at the ceiling, more like through it, and Chloe could see the tears glistening in his eyes.

He suffered so much. All this time and she had never noticed it; she knew he hid behind walls, but not that it was this bad.  
Before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around him as best as possible, avoiding his injured back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lucifer. I should have listened to you. I should have paid attention."  
The Devil tensed up at her hug. She knew how awkward he acted when he was shown affection and it always wrenched her heart.  
Lucifer couldn't hold back anymore. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and started sobbing - partly from exhaustion and pain, but also from all the emotions he tried to get rid of.

And Chloe let him. While he wept like the fallen angel he was, she rocked him like she did with Trixie. She didn't know what else she could do.

Eons of hurt, abandonment, pain and fear needed to get out of the Devil.

He was clutching at her like she was his lifeline, and maybe she was?

Chloe looked at him again - the Devil in her arms, a lonely soul, the cast out son, the lost child.  
There was still the little voice in the very far back of her head, telling her to run and never look back, but how could she? Lucifer's wing was drooping now, spread over the bed. Her mind urged her to touch it, but she restrained herself. Lucifer was clearly not comfortable with them, so she would not do this without his consent.  
Minutes?... Hours?... She didn't know how much time passed, for Chloe had been absorbed in her thoughts until a soft snoring brought her back.

Finally he had fallen asleep. Hopefully Lucifer could get some much-needed rest. The Devil was absolutely slack, so Chloe gently put him down. She looked closely at him; the exhaustion was clearly visible in his face, not only from this evening, but from all that had happened over the last few weeks.  
The little voice in her head still wouldn't shut up. _Take Trixie and leave_ , it was telling her, but then Lucifer whined quietly and her attention was back on him.  
The Devil was hurt, he was alone. The only family member that had come here was only thinking about his own selfish reasons. Did his other siblings know? Did _he_ know?

How could a father do something like this to his child? She tried to imagine Trixie in Lucifer's situation. No...no, that would never happen. She would never abandon her beloved daughter.  
Chloe had to collect her thoughts and she needed to bring her impulse to run under control. Slowly, without waking Lucifer up, she got out of bed, put a blanket over him and finished her cleaning task as much as she could. The balcony was an area she still avoided, but the penthouse itself? She could restore that to its former glory.

She hated Lucifer's coping mechanisms. Chloe could deal with sex and flirting - consent was important to Lucifer, so she could ignore that, even if it was hard. His alcoholic behaviour was problematic, even if he was never drunk. She remembered how he had used his flask more often recently, but apparently he had quit smoking. Because of her? She had mentioned once she didn't like the smell of smoke - not that he smelled like that, he was always scented just like himself.  
Till today Chloe had never seen him drunk or high. Tonight was the first time ever. She hated it and she would definitely have a 'mom talk' with him about his drug abuse. The Detective got rid of everything - where the hell did he got this tricycle and that creepy ape? And a weirdly assembled IKEA shelf? - she could find in his penthouse and she didn't care if Lucifer would be angry at her for that.

When the sun slowly rose, she couldn't bring herself to wake him up. She watched him instead.  
More strangely to her, in all this time she didn't waste a single thought on Marcus. Of course not, he was the safe alternative to the fallen angel. She always hoped Lucifer would get his shit together and stop running from his emotions.  
But now that she knew, could she still be with him? Why her? The Devil himself wanted her and she just couldn't understand why.

At the same time, she totally understood. Lucifer had fallen for her because she cared, she cared for him in a way obviously nobody else had.  
A whine brought her attention back to him.  
"Hey, Lucifer?"  
He didn't answer, instead he clenched his fist into the blanket.  
"What's wrong?" He turned a little and then she saw it. His injured back looked pretty weird. Under the bandage something clearly was building up and trying to break free.

The fallen angel didn't respond any further, but there was no need. The bandage ripped apart and Chloe watched how a new wing grew right from the wound. It was such a strange, but also fascinating, sight.

It had to be painful, for Lucifer whimpered while still half asleep.

First, it was just a naked limb, but as this thing got bigger the feathers started to grow in.

"Oh Luce…" Seeing him in pain broke her heart; she remembered the day she had seen the scars on his back for the first time. And he had done it again to himself. How much self loathing and hatred did he have? A lot, apparently.

Now Chloe felt ashamed for her reaction. Lucifer had told her again and again who he was, but she hadn't believed him and then when she finally saw the truth, she freaked out and hurt him.  
Not again - she wouldn't abandon him like his family. The Detective lay down next to him and pulled him in carefully till his head was resting on her chest. He calmed down immediately and even relaxed a little when she started to comb her fingers through his hair. It was a soothing movement for both of them.  
It didn't take long till Chloe fell asleep alongside the Devil happily purring in his sleep next to her. She was so exhausted, the purring and probably the calming effect of the wings sent her off.

When Lucifer woke up in the morning, he had problems recognizing his surroundings. His mind was still fogged and his whole body ached. The first time he cut his wings off alone had been a breeze compared to this, but if he was honest to himself he hadn't treated his body very well recently. Celestial or not, even his metabolism had a limit and that had been reached yesterday, it seemed.  
He was in his bed, but how did he get here? The Detective, right. Her scent was still on the pillow and the blanket next to him. It even lingered in his stupid, cursed wings like he had covered her with one of them after they both had fallen asleep.

She had really been here and stayed overnight, but why? He couldn't remember what had happened last night. Just a faint idea of Amenadiel came to his mind, but other than that? Just nothing. And where was Chloe now?  
"Detective?"  
He listened to see if he could hear something in the penthouse, but there was nothing but silence.  
Lucifer forced his aching body to sit up, willed his legs to obey, and after long and painful minutes he managed to stand. His whole body was trembling, he had black spots in his vision and his entrails rebelled.  
He really had overdone it yesterday, it seemed. Step after step, leaning onto the wall, he made it out of his bedroom.

The steps down into the living area were too much - his legs buckled and he fell to his knees.  
"Detective?!" This time it sounded far more desperate, like a child that had lost his parents in the mall, and again he didn't get a response.  
Why should he? What was he thinking? Why should Chloe stay here? Lucifer couldn't even understand why she hadn't run off in the first place. She had seen the truth and had probably run as far as she could as soon as he had fallen asleep and she could get away. Maybe he had done something even worse?  
His wings - these cursed monstrosities he hated so much - drooped and his tears fell to the floor. He had lost her, of course he had.

He nearly missed the soft sound of his elevator and raised his head. There she was, with a messy bun, in one of his wrinkled shirts, and she was carrying something.  
"Chloe?" It was nearly a whisper, for he couldn't quite believe his eyes.

But she was there and she heard him. "Lucifer!" Why was he out of his bed? And why was he looking at her full of desperation and awe? Chloe set aside the cup carrier and the bag she was carrying and rushed towards him.  
"Hey, is everything okay?" She kneeled down in front of him and cupped his cheek. The admiring look in his eyes became even more intense, if that was at all possible.  
"What happened?"  
The Devil looked up. "Why are you here?"  
She didn't understand that question and gave him a confused look.  
"You shouldn't be here, you should run. I'm a mons-"  
She shushed him by putting her index finger on his mouth.  
"I'm here to look after you, silly, who else would do that? You are injured...okay, you were injured and I couldn't leave you. And no, Lucifer, if you are anything at all, it's the most annoying, funny, loyal friend I ever had. You are my best friend and my partner."  
Chloe smiled at him and with her thumb wiped away one of his tears.  
"I just thought you might be hungry and I know your sweet tooth. It's also impossible to get something out of that monstrosity you call a coffee machine. So I just got us a late breakfast."  
And he thought she had abandoned him again. It should have broken her heart, but after yesterday it was already shattered.  
"I got Devil's food cake for you." She chuckled and he smiled warily.  
"Come on, Old Scratch, hmm?" Chloe helped him up. Damn, he was heavy with those wings, but they made it to his couch, where she threw a blanket over him to keep him warm and to hide his naked body.

Lucifer snuggled into the thing like a lifeline, for he was still shivering, probably from the aftereffects of all the drugs he took and the wing….stuff.

"I got your favorite." She handed him a cup of coffee and the little box containing the cake while she took a sip from her cup and munched on a lemon bar.

The Devil eyed everything with suspicion and Chloe sighed before she took his hand.  
"I know everything has changed, but nothing has to change. I'm really, really sorry for my freakout yesterday, Lucifer. If there is anything I can do, just tell me. But otherwise you are my partner and my friend, okay? And we will see where this will take us."  
The Devil nodded, insecure like an abused child. She had seen that look before and she wanted to wipe it off his face. It just didn't belong there. Lucifer was smug, always grinning and mischievous, not this insecure child.  
Chloe needed to fight her urge to pull him into a hug, but Lucifer was still injured somehow and she knew how he reacted to those. She wondered if angels hugged each other or something like that, and if he had had someone in hell.

Oh screw that, she was his family now, and she hugged him very carefully.  
"Please promise me to never do that again, you idiot." This time it was she who shedded tears.  
Lucifer let a few moments of silence pass before he let out a heavy sigh.

"I promise."


End file.
